NOT MY FATHER'S SON by Alan Cumming

Outstanding. The courage it takes to put one's life and history, warts, skeletons and all, right out there in the public domain for all to see is immense. It is unlikely that many of us would ever have this opportunity or permission to do so. For well-known and admired Scottish actor Alan Cumming, he was able to explore some deep family secrets via the TV programme 'Who Do You Think You Are'. I love the BBC and Australian series and have watched just about every single one made. Some stand out more than others, the Alan Cumming episode being one of those that I remember more than others. So to be able to read the memoir behind the programme was a book I could not ignore.

In the programme Alan wants to learn the story of his maternal grandfather, Tommy Darling, who left his family in the early 1950s, and ended dying in somewhat mysterious circumstances in Malaya only a few years later. Alan wanted to do this for his mother, Mary, and it ends up being a much bigger story than Alan or his mother had ever envisaged.  Unbeknownst to the viewer, there was another huge story going on behind the scenes - Alan's estranged and seriously ill father informing Alan via his older brother Tom, that he is not actually Alan's biological father.

The resulting memoir which covers the summer of 2010, the period of the making of the TV episode, narrates this tumultuous time in Alan's life. The chapters alternate between now and then, Alan's childhood/growing up years. His father was a monster, and so Alan tells us how awful and terrifying his childhood was, how his family life was, and the indelible mark it left on him, his brother and his mother as the years pass. And I can't say anything more, because it will spoil the reading experience.

Alan is brave opening his heart and soul, for uncovering family secrets, with the result some online reviews have been negative as a result. But I loved this, his search for belonging and kinship with both his never known grandfather, and his own father, the intense love he has found within his family and his personal relationships despite the appalling abuse he suffered. And as that TV programme has always been one of my favourites for its treasure hunt and history focus, I loved  this book even more. What it has highlighted too is the absolute uselessness and pointlessness of having family secrets and refusing to discuss stuff. One day it will all come to light, and quite possibly cause further pain and anguish when it never needed to be like that.